he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
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They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize