I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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