Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
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By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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