I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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