Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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