I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize