You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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