I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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