someone threw a dead crab at me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize