he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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