i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
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"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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