dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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