Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize