ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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