i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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