I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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