dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize