I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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