he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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