Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize