please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
another moral hangover. fuck.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize