I wanna bring you to show and tell
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize