"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
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Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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