this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize