I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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