Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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