After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
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i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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