Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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