she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize