What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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