he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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