yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
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truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
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I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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