I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
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Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
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He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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