o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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