i will never coherently bang her
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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