I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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