His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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