piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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