dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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