Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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