When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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