Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
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I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize