Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
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The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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