I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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