I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
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Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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