I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize