I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
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yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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