Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize