If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize