Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
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It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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